I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
