I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
