He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
