Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
