I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
do herpes really smell.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
