im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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