and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
