You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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