dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
