well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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