A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
