why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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