omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
