Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
