I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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