Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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