I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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