Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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