Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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