Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
