The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
