he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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