Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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