I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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