can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize