ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
