coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
