Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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