I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A+ Viking dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
