Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
