Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
