Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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