Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
