It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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