I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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