oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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