I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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