Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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