If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
