Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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