we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
