Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
soo... how was my night?
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