During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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