I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
