How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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