I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
