Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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