You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
