Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
