if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
