I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i think i just lost a toe
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