He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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