you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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