remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
