Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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