I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
