the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
