when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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