my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
