I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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