Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize