when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
