i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
