My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
