Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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