Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
