He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
