Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
