I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
