My room smells like vodka and shame
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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