Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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