I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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