i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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