The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
