You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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