So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
